Let's be controversial: Religion (Part One: Picking and Choosing)

Hello friends! So, I was sitting in my room thinking and I thought to myself, "You know what you haven't done in a while? Rant about religion on the internet!" So I'm gonna do that today. Turn back, ye of flimsy faith, your views are quite possibly about to be challenged.

First, an introduction (even though I've kind of already introduced things). This is my second installation of "Let's be controversial", a segment (I guess) where I talk about topics I perceive as controversial. I'm not saying my opinions are necessarily controversial, it's more of a warning to people who are easily offended or really closed minded to take a step back. Especially when it come to this topic, as dear to my little heretic heart it is. 

This was originally going to be a talk about sexuality, cos I was talking to myself yesterday (or, "brainstorming" which I suppose makes me sound slightly less mentally unstable) and I came up with an analogy I can use and wrote a few jokes. But then this morning I had a debate with a friend while walking to school and the floodgate of religi-rant was reopened. Religi-rant sounds like a chain restaurant. Whyis this not a thing. I should invent this. 

But first (again)...

I was raised in the Catholic religion. My parents, while not really hardcore devoutly religious, were more so than most. I was sent to a Catholic school, brought to church EVERY Sunday (not kidding), made my first holy communion (yes, make the indoctrinated eight year-olds commit to your religion, they know exactly what they're agreeing to) and my confirmation (because twelve year-olds understand that if you get that oil on your forehead it's forevsies, no takesies backsies). I made like €700 between the two sacraments. 

Bribery is a good thing if it's for god, kiddies! Remember that.

Age thirteen, I had an epiphany (which had really begun to take place about two years prior but I wanted the second set of bribes before I got out) and ceased my belief in Joshua Ben Joseph Ha'Bethlehem and all associated parties. That would be your "Jesus" for those of you unfamiliar with the fact that THAT'S NOT HIS FREAKING NAME. 

Before my enlightenment, I'll admit, there were bits that I bought into because they were of interest to me. The whole bit in John with emphasis on words and the universe beginning with words (basically, all of it) my writer's brain was like "I know words! I can relate to this!". I liked the parables because, again, I like stories (even if I disagreed with some of the messages. Prodigal son and Vineyard workers, I'm looking at you). I liked the concept of an afterlife, I guess, though I secretly harboured wishes that I'd belonged to a religion that believed in reincarnation. Or multiple deities for that matter. Hinduism, Buddhism Ancient religions; that's some interesting shit. Mostly I was meh about it. I think I saw it as something I didn't have much choice in. It was when I realised that that was my thinking, that I noticed something was wrong.

Plus, I began to look at things critically. Critical thought is the slayer of gods, my friends.

Anyway, I'm not going to bore you with a whole lot more of this stuff about my personal faith, or lack thereof. Long and short of it: I do not believe in god(s). What I am going to talk about is people who do. Types of people and specifics. And attitudes in general on the machine of organised religion. Before you run screaming (any zealots who've made it this far) I'm not going to attack the idea that there is a god. I don't believe there is but I've gotten over my childish days of yelling "You are wrong!" at anyone who will hear it. People are gonna believe what they're gonna believe. The moon landing nuts and the existence of Mormonism have taught me that much.

Lets just stick with whatever we think at any given time unless we change our minds, ok? Then we can kick ourselves when we die and the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there all "The fuq, bro? I sent you alphabetti spaghetti messages and everything! *sigh* Off to noodle hell with you then."

If only our parents had had us indoctrinated into the
right religion!

To focus myself, because god knows I ramble (irony intended) I'm going to talk about three points. It's like an English essay but fun! Right?....right?! I'm gonna address the easily offended, the idea of religious choice and the "pick and choose-ers"

1. Pick and Choose-ers

I think I'll talk about this one first because the rage is freshest in my mind. Remember that debate I mentioned waaaay back at the start? This is what that was about (in essence). If you are familiar with religion, as most of the world is, and if you are familiar with kinda religious people, as I'm pretty sure everyone is, given their unpronounced nature, you have likely come across this kind of person before. They're usually lucky enough to have parents who are tolerant and didn't shove religion down their throats. They've belonged to a church youth group or some fun club that just happens to be associated with religious values or directly church run. 

To these people, religion is totally harmless. They pick and choose the sections of the belief they belong to that they like and deny everything else exists. I disagree with this. Strongly. 

Most of my beef in this instance is not with the person themselves. Or maybe it is, I'm not sure. I really dislike that refusal to acknowledge that when you're part of something and identify as such you need to look at the full picture. That naivety really gets on my nerves, especially considering that these are usually intelligent people.

Nazi Germany was awful but, daaayum, gotta love them beetles

Allow me to take this to an exaggerated level for comparison. Where do all exaggerated comparisons on the internet go? Thaaaaat's right! Hitler. (It's a thing) All roads lead to Hitler analogies, as the old saying goes (I think). So, back in the day (the 1930's) when Nazis were still considered a legitimate political system and not the incarnation of evil as they are today, there were a lot of people who supported them and the wonders they were doing for Germany's economy. So, imagine you are a German citizen, perhaps newly employed by Volkswagen or any of the other booming industries of the time (when the rest of the world was floundering in debt, might I add). You consider yourself a supporter of the Nazi party. But you aren't anti-semetic or in any way against Jews or Gypsies or the like. So you decide to ignore those aspects of the Nazi party and focus only on the parts you like; the employment and the sense of community and patriotism. Because the issue isn't there is you don't acknowledge it, right?

Do you see what I'm getting at? Now, of course, organised religion has never been responsible for genocide or indoctrination or prejudice on the basis of very little like the Nazis were. They don't have influence disproportionate to their goal, and hundreds of followers who would do whatever they said without question like the Nazis did in their day. Religions don't have one leader who is pretty much revered as a messenger from god.

Cookie analogies are the best analogies.
All who disagree shall be burned at the stake 

Sarcasm aside, it worries me how many people can openly say they're religious or that they are proudly "Church of whatever" and the turn around and say "Oh yeah, well, I don't believe that part". The whole hell thing is a popular one. People who say they're invested (and, as I've said, I'm not challenging that) in a belief system yet ignore half of that same belief system's incentive because it's "scary" or "icky". I'm perfectly cool with spirituality, if you want to believe in a god and a heaven and all that, go right ahead. But when you put a label on it, it becomes a defined thing. When you open a box of assorted cookies, all the cookies that were on the outside of the box are going to be in there, even the ones with raisins, even the oaty "what-the-hell-is-this-I-wanted-sugar-and-this-tastes-like-pre-chewed-cardboard" ones. If you don't want those ones, buy a different box. Or buy individual cookies and eat them by themselves. Just don't try and pass your individually bought cookies off as belonging to the box with the gross ones. It doesn't work like that.

Another popular discarded belief tidbit is the sacred text. I have the same issue with this but i'm going to use a different analogy because I like this one. There are people who basically disown their bible or whatever because, again, there are bits they don't like or don't agree with. It. Does. Not. Work. Like. That. Saying that you don't believe in the Garden of Eden thing (for example's sake) because, let's face it, it is a little stupid, is like being a Superman fan but denying that Superman came from Krypton. Or saying that Alfred is Bruce Wayne's dad. The book your religion revolves around is the canon. Wanna change stuff? Write fanfic, create your own religion, break away from the whole or just plain lose the label. You can still go to church, if that's your thing and you personally don't believe in hell or the second coming or whatever. But don't go round saying that your religion as a whole doesn't believe that thing. It it's in the canon, you are the deviation, not your specific church, not your specific branch. I found myself defending Catholicism over this, folks, just... no.

Read your canon, people. I'm not religious and really wasn't even when I was, and even I made an effort to read the bible allocated to my thing. I stopped when it got to the new testament cos it's more fun when people are killing each other. I didn't think it was particularly well written. Number one bestselling book in the world? Eh, give me Harry Potter any day.

One final note before I finish part one (this is getting a wee bit long. Expect more, I have feels). This friend of mine (the one who sparked this rant and subsequently is responsible for the resurfacing of this monster of hate) made the point that in the gospels and readings and psalms read at her church, the passages about hell and the apocalypse and most of the gorier scenes in the old testament (ahem, rape, ahem ahem) are not mentioned or even referenced. This gave her reason to believe that her church (which will forever be know as the Church of Whatever, because I'm super respectful) did not believe in these bits. I hear this ALL THE TIME. I put forward some argument that "yadda yadda in the bible... and that's why organised religion is not squeaky clean and nice" (ahem, rape, ahem ahem) and the counter argument is that they've never heard that in church.

Guys. Guys just... let me sit you down and we'll have a little talk about politics.

The major churches of the world are so big and have been around for so long for one reason. Not a promise of getting into heaven, not the peace and love stuff, not even christian rock. No, these churches have survived because of their political strategies. Why is it that no one follows the Norse religion anymore? Or worships Ra or Aphrodite or Samhain (that's the Irish god of the harvest. It's pronounced "Sa-win". The tv show "Supernatural" featured this god. They got the name wrong. It was annoying). Case and point, they didn't have good politics. Their followers didn't have a big enough army or didn't win this certain war and so the religion died out. Then, later, it became less about "we own you and your land now, convert or die" and more about persuasion (though there are still missions around which are effectively the former just substitute the ownership with "healthcare and education". Not saying it's bad work, just ulterior motive much?)

Who said anything about hell?
Um... look free booze in church!

Persuasion had a lot more to do with, "Hey, y'know the way your life is really shitty now? Join our religion and get a super-awesome chocolate coated sparkly afterlife, completely free (except for tithes and collections and the eternal loyalty of you and your children)!" Then there were the abuses in the church and the reformation and very little changed overall expect the decline in witch and heretic burning (which is a plus for me!). Basically, the successful churches have always had a lot of power and to maintain that power they need to know what people want. What do people want? They want good things. They want to hear about how everything they're already doing is just fine. Murder is bad? I'm not currently murdering anyone, therefore I'm good! Yay, I get a gold star in my heaven book. They don't want to hear about how if they lie they're gonna burn for all eternity. So the church skirts right on around that problem and tells people what the want to hear. Yeah, there's still a bit of the "I'll put the fear 'o' god in ya" but it's sparse nowadays because people don't listen to their basest instincts anymore. The fact that the bibles and what-have-yous haven't changed since legitimately putting the fear of god in people was a thing (and the fact that people can actually read now) is a slight cause for concern because all that discouragement is right there. What do the church do? Ignore it! Don't talk about hell in church, tell the same story about a farmer and his sons over and over again. People like it because they don't have to think too hard. Long story short, just because they never mention it in church doesn't mean it's not there. Religion (particularly Catholicism) loves to ignore them room elephants. Once again, read your canon. Find out exactly what beliefs you have inherited. Which is where I leave you, friends. Next time I'll have a little chat about the choice element attached to religion, or, as I like to phrase it, "Choice? What choice?"

Embrace the Madness